California: Day 3 — Downtime, Lunch With A View and Lessons in Trust

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One way I epically failed in my recent relationship was in the realm of trust. I’m never afraid to admit when I show up in ways I wish I had not. There’s also no real reason to beat myself up over what I consider failing. First and foremost I failed myself and that’s part of the journey. Failure is how we learn and show up better each time.

Taking yourself to lunch is always a great exercise in trusting and building courage. I enjoy treating myself. I’ve had to learn how, learn to feel like I deserve.

I do. You do too. We deserve to feel comfortable and confident in our surroundings at all times. Who wouldn’t want to treat themselves to lunch with a view like this? It’s more than a view to me in this moment… it’s a view to a future full of possibilities as I keep learning, leaning in and showing up for myself.

I think it’s fair to say that me trusting slowly and being authentic about my trust issues with someone I care about does mean it wasn’t only me that failed.

I’m divorced 7 yrs now, yet it was a very toxic and volatile marriage. My trust in the person that said they loved me while simultaneously manipulating, emotionally and verbally abusing, it wore thin fast. Then I lived in protective mode. Survival mode.

Opening up and being vulnerable to Love after abuse is not at all easy. It definitely requires patience from your partner, along with support and reassurance. 

It’s typical for me to continually support my journey through learning where there is fear and growing toward freedom. This will always be my way. Self discovery– there’s no end, it’s a part of the journey. Forever.

As I sit enjoying my lunch and reading, I couldn’t help but pause and share part of this amazing book by Osho. 

I had already realized it was crucial to my relationship that I trusted more. I wanted nothing more than to grow in that. I had This epiphany prior to the end of my relationship and before I really had a chance to shift. Again, it takes time. I’m grateful regardless that this experience has opened my eyes and my heart to the world of trusting myself. After all, trust comes from within.

In this moment I will continue reading Osho’s sage guidance on trust. I’d like to share what he says here. To me this is one of many epiphanies that are leaping off the page and into my being.

“… trust uses doubt, trust knows how to use the energy contained in doubt itself. That’s the difference between faith and trust.

…. and unless your trust has moved through many doubts, it will remain impotent. From where will it gather it’s strength, from where will it gather integration? If there is no challenge it is bound to remain weak. Doubt is a challenge. If your trust can respond to the challenge, can befriend your doubt, it will grow through it.”

Wow! Right… 

I’m forever grateful to be empowered by my inward journey and my willingness to grow. I’m extremely grateful for my lover that said, “if you’d just allow yourself baby. If you’d trust and let go…”

He’s no longer in the picture, however his beautiful gift through my heartache will be a blessing to me and those I love forever. 

Keep trusting yourself my friend and I’ll keep sharing ways to do just that. 

Copyright 2017, Artemis On Fire

1 comments on “California: Day 3 — Downtime, Lunch With A View and Lessons in Trust”

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