Learning about Yourself Through Love and Letting Go


Learn * Share * Teach * Master : 

How the Chopra Center’s Mission Statement has become my Own Personal Road To Enlightenment — (long blog, worth the read to start healing)

The way in which we relate to ourselves and how that impacts everything in our lives is why I write about relationships. This journey is one of constant learning. If we are not learning, we are not growing and if we are not growing then all of our experiences will be the same cycle repeated over and over again until we get the lesson life is trying to teach us. 

Shine a light on Self-awareness and give yourself the gift of moving in the direction of a more fulfilling life.

 For me, it’s always a matter of navigating back to the beginning and foundation of it all, the relationship I have with mySelf. As I learn more about life, or any subject of study, I love to share that knowledge and in turn, often teach and guide others, which ultimately helps me master certain ways of being. As I am reminded time and time again, especially with my most recent relationship, you can know a thing, be knowledgeable, and still fall flat on your face if you have not used the knowledge in practical experience. The more experience we have the more we learn. When we learn better, we know better and in turn we do better. 

 The painful truth is self-awareness usually starts with shining a light on our own BS, our belief system of unconscious behavior and thought. To get out of the cycle of repeating past mistakes it’s crucial to look at your own actions, feelings, thoughts, behaviors, etc with a ruthless determination to say… BS! – that will not happen again and I am willing to grow.

Disclaimer, Love yourSelf, right now!

Exactly as you are. 

When you show up authentically and you are doing your best and your best is great, believe me, then the ones who truly love you will stay by your side as you navigate the rocky road of life. No one has it all together. I’m not talking about always over-analyzing everything you do. That’s not healthy either. Yet, if you share your vulnerabilities and someone still bails on you while you are trying to evolve… let them bail. Unfortunately they are often bailing on themselves instead of using the opportunity to grow.

 Truth is, sometimes we are mirrors for each other in that way. I know I could have showed up a lot better for my partners insecurities and it was my mission and desire to do just that. Not as a doormat, but as someone who truly loves another and desires only to understand them more and see them become the best version of themselves. That is a relationship with true love. This is why I must do this for myself too. Seriously… go back and reread that sentence and see it as you talking to your own sweet heart.

 “I truly desire to understand you better and long for you to become the best version of yourself.”

  If we can’t say that to ourselves then how can we show up for someone else like that?

  I long to look into the eyes of my true love and say that. Wow! Talk about selfless surrender.

 Surrender and vulnerability is where it’s at in love. They happen to be incredibly difficult things to do so be patient with yourself and be patient with those you love. It’s a delicate dance, surrender.

 Unfortunately my latest relationship got derailed -mostly due to outside sources- just as it was settling into that phase. Where the all-consuming fire of newness was burning down into the kind of campfire you’d want to sit around your whole life. When we were reaching that point of getting to know each other on a whole deeper level… the fire was put out. Long story, not for this blog, or any blog really. My experience with him was the most sacred I have ever shared and I honor that and him. This is also a lesson I am taking away from this whole experience, when something feels truly divine and sacred… treat it as such. Sharing too much with everyone, or the wrong vibration people can seriously take the power out of things. Deepak Chopra talks in-depth about that and it is a practice I am working on mastering.

 As far as my love for this amazing man…

If an ember still burns of this love, then love can always be rekindled. Only time and willingness of true love can make that happen though.
  This relationship has, however, ignited a huge flame of self-discovery for me. HUGE! Oh my gosh it’s amazing really and I am humbled and grateful, as any true seeker will be once they get over the chaos of it all.

 I am ready to show up for true love!

  Truly show up! I have learned, I am sharing with myself, I am teaching myself, my brain, my body through my Spiritual practices and bam, like a lightning strike I see how I want to move forward and master love… by surrendering to it fully! 

I am completely able and ready and simply needed to sidestep some of my past BS, because that belief system did not apply to this relationship. He was not my past. 

More importantly, I have learned to trust myself much more fully. How in such a short time you might ask have I had this big of a transformation?

 It’s not short AT ALL. I’ve been on a deep Spiritual journey for over a decade. Practicing introspection through meditation, yoga, spiritual study and more. The building blocks for me to reach this understanding about myself have been there all along. He was simply the catalyst to set me free!

Next time love walks in, I am showing up. 

Learn * Share * Teach (understand) * Master

Remember, once again, that mastering something takes time and effort and willingness. Be patient with yourself. Show up for yourself. Believe in yourself. Trust in yourself. The more you learn and practice those things… then and only then will you be able to offer them to another.

Again, often it simply takes surrender. 

Lao Tzu says… “ When I let go of who I am, I become who I might be.”

 What are you ready to let go of today?

Whatever you are going through that causes you stress and anxiety, it has showed up to teach you something. So learn. Then share. Even if that is writing it all out over time, or sharing with a friend —PLEASE be sure they are a true friend at your level of consciousness if you want to truly grow and not simply stay mired in the drama of the problem — read my next blog on sharing sacred truths with the right source. 

*another disclaimer or light… I am only talking about ways I could grow here. Sure, there are things in my relationship experience that I am not ok with and that friends would say…”But he, blah, blah, blah…”  It’s not all about me and I am learning how to meet a worthy partner as whole person. They, of course, would need to do the same. Yet, if all you’re doing with any issues you have in life right now is sitting around pointing fingers, or your friends are, then NO ONE IS GROWING FROM THAT! That is not how I want to show up in a relationship. It wasn’t even how I was showing up.

It’s my growth I am responsible for. Who I align that growth with remains to be seen. I will do the work regardlessa and quite, frankly no one knows my experience but me and … it was a good one.

Ok… resume without thinking we are self-deprecating. 

After you have shared you will want to start teaching. That doesn’t necessarily mean a classroom setting, therapy or life-coaching others, although it can grow to that. It may actually start in ways you rewrite your past stories, rewire your brain patterns using things like NLP or even affirmations, etc… Once you start this process and stick with it, I promise you will eventually master a new way of being.

Back to why we want to improve ourselves without feeling less-than. 

Getting to know yourself is a journey. It’s a journey with no final destination. Settle in, relax and stop beating yourself up for not knowing it all right now. It’s not how it works. 

We are ever-changing, evolving beings. Let it all unfold naturally. This is my new mantra. Thank you again past-lover. I am forever grateful for this badge of understanding I gained through your wisdom.
Sometimes we screw up or buy into other people’s drama. When we show up as not the best version of ourselves, and later realize we wished we’d shown up differently… there is your work. 

How did this happen? 

Why did I act this way? 

What can I learn from this past experience? 

If I desire my future experiences to be more joy-filled and effortless then I will ask these questions. Fulfilling relationships are what we all want. If they are not that, then we should take a look at how we showed up for them because you better believe that we are getting NOWHERE if we are always blaming others. *again, we are not talking about being doormats here. This is not a blog, in any way, referencing how we are at fault. In any relationship it takes two. I am shining a light on being introspective to evolve.

                                     Knowledge + Experience = Wisdom

  Learning about myself is at the root of why I get raw, real and vulnerable with you. To help us grow. To help me grow. Starting with myself is not Self-ish, it’s essential and ultimately Selfless since I strive to not come from an ego-ic standpoint. Believe me, I spent almost 15yrs married to a narcissist who tried to always make me feel that thinking of myself was wrong, shameful and the very last thing I should ever be doing. That’s an illness. They need everything to be completely about them, therefor they must break you of any desire as to seeing yourself worthy. What a road of recovery that takes. Oh my God, it’s like becoming an Olympic Champion at Self-worth and often seems an impossible task. It’s so hard to not feel like each person we let in close will cause the same hurt. Yet, when we act like they will, then we are self-sabotaging and can cause great harm to the person who showed up to love us.

  On the road to enlightenment or self-realization, or even self-awareness -which is at the very least where I see my lifetime unfolding – it’s all about the lessons in life, what they are there to teach us and how we can continually grow toward more bliss and joy.

  I wish you well my fellow spiritual-warriors! We’ve got this.

I encourage you to sit down and write out what you want to learn, share, teach and master. Be bold, be brave, show up for life, trust and let go! The Universe really does have your back. 

The face of evolution… Fly Baby Fly!

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